The Art of "What’s The Big Deal" – Navigating Arguments With Your Partner
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When you are in a relationship, disagreements are inevitable. At some point in the relationship there will be a “first fight.” That fight will set the tone for how you and your partner settle disputes in the future. How you engage in and settle disputes with your partner early on, will either serve to strengthen or deteriorate the relationship. Clearly, the former effect is preferable to the latter if it’s a relationship in which you want to stay.
In spite of occasional disputes, with good problem solving skills, it is possible to navigate around the pitfalls of arguing with your partner, and maintain a strong and healthy relationship. Below are a few ground rules to consider before your first or next disagreement with your partner:
· Almost any problem you encounter can be resolved diplomatically, so as to avoid any lingering feelings of anger, disappointment, or grudges toward your partner.
· Remain calm, and refrain from using a harsh tone. Yelling or using a harsh tone does nothing to resolve the issue, and may indeed escalate it, because it shows disrespect toward your mate.
· Always use civil words and actions with your partner, even if you are angry about the situation. Resorting to name calling or use of profanity may feel good in the moment, but shows a lack of maturity and, once they are spoken, those words cannot be unsaid.
· Don’t be afraid to apologize for whatever role you may have played in giving rise to or participating in the dispute. This is not necessarily an admission that you were wrong in your position, but does show that you regret that the problem arose at all.
· Remember that once you treat your partner or allow your partner to treat you with disrespect, it will be easier and more likely for it to happen again in the future, and… is likely to grow progressively worse.
Although disagreements with someone you love can be disheartening and uncomfortable, it is important to understand that disagreements are a normal part of every relationship. In addition, it’s important to recognize that every disagreement offers you an opportunity for personal growth, through self-reflection. Understanding why the problem arose in the first place, and how you may have contributed to it, will help you to avoid a similar situation from occurring in the future. As previously noted, disagreements can serve to help build a stronger bond with your partner.