My Husband Loves Pornography – What Should I Do?
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Is your spouse a porn addict? Do you find pornography to be the “other woman” in your relationship? Discover the Pros and Cons of Pornography and how you can help heal the addiction of your spouse!
[Q] My husband enjoys looking at pornography. I am vehemently against it. We fight about this all the time. What should I do?
[A] Pornography is a fact of life. Women have a tough time with pornography for many reasons that include insecurity, jealousy, inferiority, self-esteem and worth. If your husband enjoys pornography, take a deeper look at understanding his need for pornography, spend some time with him understanding his need first before nay saying it. When you seek to understand it, then it draws you closer to him. Fighting or telling him no, drives you both apart and makes you both less attracted to each other.
Believe it or not there is a healthy and unhealthy relationship to pornography. Think of your favorite actor of the opposite sex. When watching an intimate scene with this actor and another actor, how do you feel? This is a form of pornography, it just exists in your mind.
A healthy relationship is one that enhances or supplements our life and relationships. An unhealthy relationship is one that is obsessive and is an addiction.
So, talk to your husband and seek to understand rather than reject. Understand with empathy before rejecting.
Take a look at your life, anytime you were told not to do something or someone vehemently opposed something you were doing…did it stop you? Human Behavior is to defend our position and to continue to do something when told it is wrong or when told that it is not agreed or acceptable…all you have to do is watch the news today to see evidence of this fact. So, if you resist it, you are pushing your husband to do it more. If you accept it, then you will see that it will happen less and less over time. Participate in it, support it, and understand it…collaborate on the need for porn and work together to see if it is a healthy or unhealthy issue not from your judgment of it, but simply from dialogue and understanding.
This is such a prolific issue that Time magazine wrote an article about it:
Folks, the only reason that porn is viewed in private is because it is considered taboo in our society and spouses/partners take it personally or offensive. And this breeds anger, resentment, and drives the porn watcher to do it even more – this is where it has the potential to be unhealthy. It is a fact of life, it is out there, resisting it attracts it more, accepting it lovingly assists in healthy balance and relationships.
If this is a reason that marriages are broken or end, there is more going on than porn, porn is simply the one massive symptom that ended the relationship. Let’s get real!